The Soros — how Antifa & Anonymous members get paid (100% FACT)

A lot of people ask “how do you get paid as a world famous member of Anonymous?”

There’s no such thing as a stupid question, putting aside for a moment the ambiguity which may arise from boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of antonyms in coda position as well as pragmatic context which might imply that in no practical manner can one truly be “world famous anonymous.”

Short answer: we use “The Soros;” the Antifa mainframe.

Pictured: a 3270 terminal to “The Soros,” the Antifa/Anonymous mainframe

Of course I have not seen the *actual* mainframe, what with its reel-to-reel tape input machines and humming cabinets filled with motherboards and circuity, each assembled with great care within the unthinkable depths of an abandoned salt mine armed to the nines with smoke machines and eerie green lasers to resemble the paternal gaze of Hungarian-born American billionaire investor and philanthropist György Schwartz.

More commonly known as George Soros, or just “Big Gee” down at Antifa HQ.

Most (if not all) card-carrying members of Antifa and Anonymous are gifted a 3270 computer terminal, which is typically hidden deep within their homes to ensure we remain in alignment with the highest standards of operational security.

For my part, and as a byproduct of my international fame, my 3270 terminal connection to “The Soros” is in the last place federal authorities or good Texas patriots would think to look: deep within the basement catacombs which lie several meters below the Alamo, in San Antonio, Texas.

How do we get paid?

The Soros doesn’t pay actual cash money, because of what possible good would cash be within a system that George Soros himself would like to see overthrown in favor of a pure communist fascist hellscape (ignoring for just a moment that those terms are mutually exclusive on several levels)?

We are offered several options, and lately I’ve found it advantageous to accept extra COVID-19 vaccinations, each containing 3–5x the Bill Gates microchips that were present just a few months ago.

Already my body contains so many microchips that I can swipe my toddler-sized hands over the debit card machine, where I am electronically recognized as a $200 bill.

Other comrades find it beneficial to print applications for joining the Democratic party, which delivers a voucher to receive a free Toyota Prius, a one year membership to NPR, and a two-hour AMSR featuring Rachel Maddow softly repeating the phrase: “you’re a very good liberal, and history is on your side.”

Of course there are other options. The world is your oyster.

I invite you to schedule your free tour with your Antifa neighborhood captain, which can normally be found leading the group assembling on the lawn just outside our weekly “opposite of church” atheist celebration each Sunday, from about 9:30 AM till about noon.

I am honored by the opportunity to answer your many important questions. As you can probably tell, I didn’t become world-famous by just sitting idle.

Product management fix-it guy. World-famous people skills. Extremely small hands. (edit) marketing lady says I’m also supposed to say “CEO of software company”